Hestia (hestia8) wrote,


Soooo I had a good weekend, but can’t remember it all right now to write down, so yeah...

Other news first before the Dear ranting. I have a sebaceous cyst come up behind my ear, oh frigging joy. It’s ok as long I don’t go near it, but it’s hellishly annoying.

My #1 stress habit ever, twirling my hair round with my left hand, is back with a vengeance. I thought I’d successfully got rid of it about 3 years ago, but obviously due to the stuff going on at work, it came back. Thusly, the hair on the left side has a totally different curl to the rest of my hair. Oh well.

Last Hustle tonight squeeeeeeeee and boooooooo at the same time. Once it’s done and the recap’s posted, I can get back to S1 Spooks and finish recapping that (and see if I enjoy it more without Helen). Then it’s just (haha, just) S2 Spooks and S1 Hustle, and I’ll be up to date By which time it’ll probably be nearly time for S4 Spooks (yay).

In work news (little fanfare), I think we have a successor to LTC!!!! For those of you who haven’t been reading that long, LTC was a lady at my last job who I called Lady Who Loves To Complain when I wrote about her. This eventually got shortened to LTC. She could complain about anything and everything, and what really pissed me off was that when she was offered solutions to her problems, she didn’t bloody take them. She preferred to keep moaning.

I have realised that one of my colleagues is like this to a smaller extent, so hurrah LTC2! Most of her complaints atm are that she has too much to do, she has more to do than everyone else, and so on and so forth. Hopefully there’ll be some entertaining stuff at one point.

So, anyway, cut so as not to fill your fpage with ranting. I was going to leave this uncut, but…no, I think this is better.

Dear’s having one of her massive self-hatred phases (apparently it’s all her fault her boyfriend shouts at her and has no control over his temper, because she’s a horrible person and she makes him like this, and are we into abused-girlfriend territory yet?) and it’s possible it’s a massive amount of manipulation to make me feel bad, i.e.

Stage 1, phone Han, sound miserable and say you really need to speak to her.
Stage 2, come in, be fine and avoid the subject.
Stage 3, eventually start talking about it like a rational person.
Stage 4, break down completely and wail about how it’s your fault and you’re not giving up on this relationship because you already ‘failed’ one guy and funked him up, despite the fact that said guy was a funking waste of space who I would happily funking kill with my bare funking hands.
Stage 5, go to bed, threaten to scream and shout when Han tries to calm you down.
Stage 6, come up to her and say ‘I didn’t think you’d give up so easily’ yeah? While funk you and your funking power games, bitch.
Stage 7, calm down and go to bed.
Stage 8, get up this morning and sound all miserable.

I know I’ve said this before, but I am so funking fed up of this. What does this look like, someone with massive problems, or someone who is just enjoying being a bitch? All this ‘help me, don’t help me, help me, don’t help me, oh but if you do what I say then you’re obviously a horrible person’ is just too sodding much. And it just makes me want to smack her, I mean really makes me want to grab her, get her up against the wall and slap her until she calms down or shuts up or…whatever. And to me, that just puts me on a level with them. Like, right now, I could funking throttle her for making me think about this all day. I bet she comes in tonight all la la la like nothing’s ever been wrong. How do you *do* that?

Although, all of this is rather ironic when you find out that the arguments with him started because he BROKE HIS REARVIEW MIRROR because A SCREW HAD COME OUT OF HIS SUNGLASSES. Oh, and earlier in the day he threw a screw at a lamp and broke it because the washing line had broken and he couldn’t fix it. Sometimes I think they funking deserve each other. It must be a funking barrel of laughs when they’re together.

I can’t decide whether to tell her I don’t want to hear about this crap anymore, and to give her a piece of my mind in the process, or whether to try and help. Bizarre and screwed up as this is – and I almost can’t believe I’m saying this – but I think part of her enjoys being in a relationship like this, because it allows her to play the martyr (something she likes to accuse me of) and it allows her to act like this and then turn around and break down because she doesn’t know what to do, she’s so depressed etc (hey, here’s an idea: get some sodding HELP)

Of course, there’s also the whole thing that she is my sister and I could quite happily go round and beat him up (or not, I think he’s about 6 ft tall and I’m just not) because he’s making her miserable. But (oh, look, I’m going round in circles again) I can’t tell how much of it is him, how much is her depression and how much is her attention seeking.

I really, really wish I knew how to step back and let her screw up on her own, but I don’t. I wish that Dad didn’t think the correct response to this was ‘well, I’m always telling you to ignore her’ because that doesn’t funking help either. And you know what else? I wish I knew how to lose my temper. I’m sure she plays on it, and it might shut her up once in a while. I just think that if/when I lose my temper, I’d end up getting physical with whoever it is, so I don’t lose my temper.

Oh, I’m just going to shut up now, because this is once again going round in circles, and oh shit, I’ve just realised this is my fault – I’m the mug who reckoned she was better than this time last year. I have to stop saying stuff like that.
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