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Anniversary - I'm only going to say this once
Twice, if I have to go to court

Hestia
Date: 2016-06-28 13:43
Subject: Anniversary
Security: Public
Tags:rl
Reposted from FB. 

So. There’s a little black cloud following me round today.

 Today is the 20th anniversary of my mum’s death. I don’t talk about it online every year, but twenty years is a really, really long time (yesterday I found a comment from 2005 where I said nine years felt like a long time!) and I felt like I needed to mention it. It’s been on my mind all week.

I miss her a lot, and it has been such a long time that these days I am mostly just sad that she didn’t get to see how Bex and I grew up, she didn’t get to see what we’ve done with our lives, she didn’t get to see her grandchildren. I know she would be proud of us, though.

It’s an odd anniversary to have at our ages, it’s not the kind of thing that people expect, and it’s difficult to know what to say about it (especially to people who don’t know, which will include some people reading this, because there is no subtle way to tell people that your mum died when you were 14 and your sister was 10). It’s a heavy thing to bring into a conversation, even if you’re mostly okay because it has been years and years and years.

It’s also difficult because it changed everything, it wasn’t expected and if she hadn’t died when she did, our lives would look entirely different today. So different I can’t even guess where we would be.

I’m not going to go, but I just wanted to say that her death was devastating, but one thing it taught me was not to take people for granted. Make sure that the people you care about know that you care, and be kind. The world is a miserable enough place as it is, and you don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, so sometimes all you can do is try to improve the lives of the people around you.

Love to you all xx

This entry was originally posted at http://hestia8.dreamwidth.org/72067.html.
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fredbassett
User: fredbassett
Date: 2016-06-28 13:07 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I'm so sorry. It's a horrible burden to bear. I remember how my brother and I felt on the 20th anniversary of our dad's death. He died when I was 31. My mother died when I was 4.

My mother in law asked last night whether I was interested in family history, genealogy and stuff, and I thought about it and said no. there's no one left for me to even discuss it with except an older cousin who I rarely see and my niece. It would just end up making me sadder.

People say time heals, but it also adds additional poignancy to the memories.
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Hestia
User: hestia8
Date: 2016-07-06 21:16 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Thank you. I'm so sorry to hear about your parents as well (I am terrified of the time when I will have to carry on without my dad, but I can't do anything to change it so I'll just have to deal with it). It's so tough.

What I know of my mum's early life from other relatives was really not happy (she had lost both parents by about the age of 7 iirc), so looking into it more is not something that ever appealed.

Being so distant from it definitely makes it easier to deal with, but you're totally right.
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Sefkhet
User: sefkhet
Date: 2016-06-28 19:04 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I am thinking of you.

Last year was the 20th anniversary of my dad's death. He died when I was 10. And I can't say I know exactly how you feel, because no one ever knows exactly how you feel, but... I get it.
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Hestia
User: hestia8
Date: 2016-07-06 21:17 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Thank you, I appreciate it, and I'm sorry to hear about your dad too.

It's a pretty rubbish club to be in!

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fififolle: Primeval - *hug* Connor Jenny
User: fififolle
Date: 2016-06-28 19:14 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:Primeval - *hug* Connor Jenny
I'm so very, very sorry to hear you lost your mum when you were so young. Many, many hugs xxx
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Hestia
User: hestia8
Date: 2016-07-06 21:18 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Thank you. xx
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aelfgyfu_mead
User: aelfgyfu_mead
Date: 2016-06-29 00:15 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I'm very sorry.

***hugs***
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Hestia
User: hestia8
Date: 2016-07-06 21:18 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Thank you, I appreciate the comment.

xx
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